God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?

[ ] Newspaper
[ ] Other Book
[ ] Television
[ ] Divine Inspiration
[ ] Word of mouth
[ ] Near Death Experience
[ ] Tabloid
[ ] Burning Shrubbery
[ ] Bible
[ ] Torah
[ ] Quran
[ ] Other (specify):

2. Which model God did you acquire?

[ ] Yoweh
[ ] Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet
[ ] Jehova
[ ] Jesus
[ ] Allah
[ ] Satan
[ ] God
[ ] G_d
[ ] None of the above, I was taken


3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered
here:


4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a god? Please check all that apply.

[ ] Indoctrinated by parents
[ ] Needed a reason to live
[ ] Indoctrinated by society
[ ] Needed focus in who to despise
[ ] Imaginary friend grew up
[ ] Hate to think for myself
[ ] Wanted to meet girls/boys
[ ] Fear of death
[ ] Wanted to piss off parents
[ ] Needed a day away from work
[ ] Desperate need for certainty
[ ] Like Organ Music
[ ] Need to feel Morally Superior
[ ] My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Have you ever worshipped a God before?
Is so, which false god were you fooled by?
Please check all that apply.

[ ] Odin
[ ] Cthulhu
[ ] Zeus
[ ] The Almighty Dollar
[ ] Apollo
[ ] Left Wing Liberalism
[ ] Changó (Xangô)
[ ] Ra
[ ] Barney T. B. P. D.
[ ] Stalin
[ ] Hitler
[ ] The great Spirit
[ ] The Great Pumpkin
[ ] The Sun
[ ] Bill Clinton
[ ] The Moon
[ ] A burning cabbage
[ ] Castro
[ ] Idi Amin
[ ] Hugo Chávez
[ ] Arafat
[ ] Sadam Hussein
[ ] The Bomb
[ ] Other:

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

[ ] Tarot
[ ] Lottery
[ ] Astrology
[ ] Television
[ ] Fortune cookies
[ ] Ann Landers
[ ] New York Times
[ ] The Miami Herald
[ ] Psychic Friends Network
[ ] Dianetics
[ ] Palmistry
[ ] Playboy and/or Playgirl
[ ] Self-help books
[ ] Drugs and Rock and Roll
[ ] Biorhythms
[ ] Jerry Faldwell
[ ] Oral Roberts
[ ] Tea Leaves
[ ] EST
[ ] Mantras
[ ] Jimmy Swaggert
[ ] Crystals
[ ] Human Sacrifice
[ ] Pyramids
[ ] Child Mutilation (Circumcision)
[ ] Wandering around a desert
[ ] Insurance policies
[ ] Burning Shrubbery
[ ] Barney T. B. P. D.
[ ] Jesse Jackson
[ ] Harry Belafonte
[ ] Barney Fife
[ ] Other:

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don’t know...what’s Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a
scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):

a. Disasters
flood -----------------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
famine ----------------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
earthquake ------------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
war -------------------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
pestilence ------------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
plague ----------------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
SPAM ------------------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
AOL -------------------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
Windows ---------------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

b. Miracles
rescues ---------------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
spontaneous remissions ------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
stars hovering over towns ---(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
crying statues --------------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
water changing to wine ------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
walking on water
(other than the Hudson)------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
talking flaming shrubbery ---(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
VCRs that set their own -----(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
clocks
Sadam Husein still alive ----(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
Castro still in power -------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
Cubs winning the Series -----(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
Clinton's re-election -------(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services?(Attach an additional sheet if necessary):




















Thank you!